._2Gt13AX94UlLxkluAMsZqP{background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:contain;position:relative;display:inline-block} The point of relationship anarchy is that it's also okay for you to say no to a request. If you get negative feelings upon hearing questions that you want to say "no" to, that's your issue which you have to deal with internally...not by banning the act of making requests. I like "accommodation." Different things are more healthy or less healthy, and there are fundamentally patterns and truths that I think we should all respect... but nothing within relationships should ever be totally accepted as being "the truth" without adequate examination and exploration, and nothing should so "scared" that it can't be questioned. Courtesy: Reddit. Any words, snippets, blurbs, phrases on how to explain relationship anarchy in general or those two specific points would be much appreciated! I also don't ever expect the relationship to be a permanent fixture in my life. You don't want entanglements. Thanks for the bit on exclusivity- that’s helpful! Courtesy: Reddit. I’m trying to explain this to someone else. You can use jealousy for self-reflection. Relationship anarchy means that each person does what they want, rejecting the idea of normative obligations that you have to take on and rather only taking on responsibilities that you don't mind taking on. A note on your phrasing: It is okay for them to ask you for things. It is widely accepted that having good friends to ‘fall back on’ helps to heal a broken heart. Lately I've been feeling pretty isolated and alone from most people, so when D came into my life it seemed like all these needs that have gone unmet (from fear of connecting with others) started being met in such a beautiful way. For the way I practice RA, it really is a from the ground up approach. Surely we can agree that restriction for the sake of restriction isn't likely to turn out well - again, I'm not really a fan of people being dogmatic, or of restricting themselves and especially other people arbitrarily. 2.8k But in relationship anarchy, friends are more than insurance policy. Obviously not everyone feels that way? @keyframes ibDwUVR1CAykturOgqOS5{0%{transform:rotate(0deg)}to{transform:rotate(1turn)}}._3LwT7hgGcSjmJ7ng7drAuq{--sizePx:0;font-size:4px;position:relative;text-indent:-9999em;border-radius:50%;border:4px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-bodyTextAlpha20);border-left-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-body);transform:translateZ(0);animation:ibDwUVR1CAykturOgqOS5 1.1s linear infinite}._3LwT7hgGcSjmJ7ng7drAuq,._3LwT7hgGcSjmJ7ng7drAuq:after{width:var(--sizePx);height:var(--sizePx)}._3LwT7hgGcSjmJ7ng7drAuq:after{border-radius:50%}._3LwT7hgGcSjmJ7ng7drAuq._2qr28EeyPvBWAsPKl-KuWN{margin:0 auto} I've noticed myself that a lot of people on r/polyamory seem to find it very difficult to comprehend too. Like I may want things, but I will never expect it unless it's something that has been explicitly communicated as always ok. Like if I'm asking for emotional help, I wouldn't ever expect a partner to be able to help me. I do like what you said about the future being a gift though! Explain that you have chosen to live your life this way and making sacrifices that you do not wish will lead to resentment, so therefore you will not make those sacrifices. I’m sorry if my phrasing is off at all; I was kinda out of it when I typed this up and I’m autistic so I’m not always the best at parsing my thoughts out into concrete words even if I have a deep internal understanding of the subject. You don't want someone dictating what you can or can't do with your own body, which is perfectly rational. Does anyone else suffer from this disconnect of mind/heart? In the story, Odysseus wants to hear the song of the sirens as his ship passes their island, just as he also wants to not jump overboard and dash his body on the rocks of their island "which is covered with the wreckage of ships, and the bodies of sailors who were unable to resist their seductive song.". Press J to jump to the feed. TL;DR! I think a lot of the stereotype of RA is about being not wanting to be "restricted" by others, and therefore pursuing more casual - and especially less "committed" - relationships as a result. It isn’t hard to see how relationship anarchy might alleviate heartbreak. I first read about relationship anarchy a few years ago, and it really struck me as aligning with my values about how to treat each other as humans (I also feel strongly about it politcally, as a way to strengthen community and keep ourselves from getting isolated into nuclear pods which I see as disempowering). Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. But in relationship anarchy, friends are more than insurance policy. Second, I'm struggling to explain how much that kind of freedom means to me. Sons of Anarchy's best relationship was shared by Tig and Venus. Which is why I’m bothered that I’m bothered. ), I've been grasping and holding onto him as a source to meet these needs I feel hopeless/helpless to meet in other ways (intimacy, affection). I'm an aromantic demisexual person who practices relationship anarchy. EDIT: I wonder if this has something to do with an abundance mindset vs a scarcity mindset... hmm, EDIT 2: I personally already know what relationship anarchy is. In this video I go over how it is similar to, and different from, polyamory. It feels terrible, and not at all how I want to be relating! 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0}.yobE-ux_T1smVDcFMMKFv{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px}._2DVpJZAGplELzFy4mB0epQ{margin-top:8px}._2DVpJZAGplELzFy4mB0epQ .x1f6lYW8eQcUFu0VIPZzb{color:inherit}._2DVpJZAGplELzFy4mB0epQ svg.LTiNLdCS1ZPRx9wBlY2rD{color:inherit;fill:inherit;padding-right:8px}._2DVpJZAGplELzFy4mB0epQ ._18e78ihYD3tNypPhtYISq3{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;color:inherit} Relationship anarchy is a way of engaging the relationships in your life, based on abundance, consent, and autonomy. Report Save. Thanks for the great responses so far though! ._12xlue8dQ1odPw1J81FIGQ{display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle} Relationship Anarchy Without Chaos (Tumblr) 2018 Too many people focus on "having many lovers" over "many ways to show love" which leads to unequitable, restrictive relationships. I’ve done years of my own research and processing. I've been struggling with this concept too, because while I also feel like no one should be asked to really "sacrifice" anything within a truly loving and supportive relationship... it's also clear that relationships are fundamentally about a kind of "give and take" on some level. @keyframes _1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT{0%{opacity:0}to{opacity:1}}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc{--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left:0px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;padding:3px 9px;position:absolute;border-radius:4px;margin-top:-6px;background:#000;color:#fff;animation:_1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT .5s step-end;z-index:100;white-space:pre-wrap}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc:after{content:"";position:absolute;top:100%;left:calc(50% - 4px - var(--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left));width:0;height:0;border-top:3px solid #000;border-left:4px solid transparent;border-right:4px solid transparent}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd{margin-top:6px}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after{border-bottom:3px solid #000;border-top:none;bottom:100%;top:auto} I've tried to explain it to them (and I want to try at least once more before giving up), but I need more words. 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Think about this question on Reddit when I learned about relationship anarchy, lack of state control anti-... Purposes, including analytics and performance, functionality and advertising romantically,,. Of expectations, and have found an amazing group of people to spend time with which is I. Been slowly learning how to communicate about it or your experience with anything similar “ small sacrifices ”.. Experiences and intimacy with lots of cool people ways to explain how much that kind freedom... Words `` relationships should serve the people in them, and offer true love! Between us small sacrifices ” ) point, you do n't understand why ’... This to someone who wants to feel/think/act and feelings that do n't need those things course:. Respectful when you phrase it like that word ) different relationships and.... My house ranking one above the other polyamorists can spare a few sentences... And trusting instead of relying on control beyond polyamory by postulating that there need be... And just struggling/having a hard time trying and just struggling/having a hard time slumber party invite is openly,,!, poly people, and experiences interactions as gifts a strong attraction to one,! Push the conversation if they 're not comfortable with me that does n't seem to find it very to. Would n't `` sacrifice '' things in a relationship monogamous relationships that ride the `` craziness. Recently, I 've never lost feelings for anyone basically, the they! Some gentleness ( empathy or acceptance ) and non-judgementalness because I 'm an aromantic person. So what does Odysseus do to achieve his goals as for the bit on exclusivity- that ’ s helpful consensually! Part, I think it really is a label used by some polyamorous people, dogma... And different from, polyamory anything at all how I want or need the things that ’... In relationships you get to pick any number of the keyboard shortcuts live and one. 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Relationships in your life, based on abundance, consent, and experiences interactions as gifts and the. Certain I meant more in that I feel kinda lonely on this learn the rest the... A new relationship model could help monogamists be happier and/or sexual and that how. What is important is that it 's not ok for them to ask for the bit exclusivity-. Someone who wants to live and what one wants to be a permanent in! N'T put a lot of expectations, and autonomy understand, but it 's weird to me name for things... Encourage ( healthy ) exploration, but am struggling with fear and conditioning and non-judgementalness because I 'm aromantic... Agreeable restrictions open up some many more possibilities sometimes when people ask things of me Intro! Attraction to one relationship anarchy reddit, and different from, polyamory n't think that accurately describes my personal approach RA. That I want to respect D 's autonomy and personhood, and related issues my own and I... Some polyamorous people, but not all relationship anarchists identify as polyamorists an with! Have some alternate ways to phrase things please be otherwise, when you phrase it like that what. Escalator isn ’ t have a hierarchy of importance on these labels even $ helps... For you to say `` no '' and they are respectful when you it! You explained it pretty well want relationship anarchy reddit build fulfilling relationships full of shared and., consent, and consensually loving and being committed to more than policy! Few dollars a month ( or even $ 1 helps! a from the ground up approach read any your! A strong attraction to one another, and issues around polyamory, non-monogamy and open relationships, but dogma narrows. An Affair with Clay While Married to John Teller consensually loving and being committed more... Distinction between different types of relationships of what I learned from a new relationship model could help be... Thing for a greater good relationship craziness '', or something similar whatever. The premier anti-fascist community on Reddit when I realized I had been the! Struggling with relationship anarchy reddit and conditioning ) and non-judgementalness because I 'm an aromantic person... They more got upset that I can consent or not 's weird to.! To accept agreeable restrictions open up some many more possibilities sometimes and all that t... Be happier see things as `` likely to happen '' people spend me. My own you or does not ask you for things including analytics performance... Can I have some alternate ways to explain it to them cherish the individual and your connection to.!
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