This monthly time that you're going to spend where you get to talk about those things and very intentionally come-- This could be any little thing from a new thing that you want to try or that you'd like to have more dates or there's a certain amount of time you'd like to spend with your partner or it could be something really heavy that could cover the whole range. Setting aside that space and time where it's intentional, it's deliberate, it's safe, can really make all the difference in a relationship. Since then, the Multiamory R.A.D.A.R. I actually recommend ordering it online, you can generally get better quality stuff, that's actually the right type of hemp rope but anyway that's a different--. To just say, “Is there anything that we maybe want to discuss first or anything we want to save till last.”. Then, you can reference it throughout the month. There are things that you can sort of comeback to during the month especially if you write them down which you should. Jase: Yes, I think along these lines too something that can happen is you'll be having some kind of a disagreement or a heavy talk about one thing and then it's like 10 other things all come up that actually aren't related to it, but have just been in that problem backlog that we're talking about. What I was realizing about this that's kind of cool is that actually, the steps work that way too. In addition, we've made this long list of set topics which those ones can be customized, but amazingly like I did my very first R.A.D.A.R a couple weeks ago and everything that is on this list I used because it was -- I feel like every single one of them in some capacity or another, could be used even if you're in a monogamous relationship, maybe not one of them if you're not in a monogamous relationship but they're just kind of all encompassing and they're great. Yes, you have to pay to look at your private life. Another example, maybe in the household section when you realized, we had this argument early this month about the division of household chores. I guess this is just from the, relationship agile scrum. Whatever it is to really like spend some time thinking about what are some real things that you appreciate about this person that you might not say every day. I can come up maybe you’re in the middle of your scrum and then 30 minutes, you realized, “I haven’t eaten in three hours. You're not expected to remember it from memory I certainly don't. We didn't come up with anything better than that. Please send us your feedback and questions to info@multiamory.com, find us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast, tweet at us @Multiamory, check out our Facebook Page, visit our website Multiamory.com, or you can leave us a voicemail at 678-MULTI-05. That one also is amazing because you can ask if someone just wants to open up and use the first Triforce and just connect or if they want empathy in a situation which is the second one or if they really want advice which is Triforce number three. Can I please move on to the next example? This one feels very important to me because I love having this set determined space for talking about other relationships because I cannot tell you how many times I've had clients, or friends, or listeners to podcasts reach out to me or to us asking, "Well, I just said, I love you to a new partner, and I'm really excited about it, but I don't know how to tell my husband. Obviously, we're going to tell you about R.A.D.A.R today. Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn. I’m going to see them in a couple of months." Of course if something comes up and if you feel it's more appropriate to talk about it at that moment, then yes, talk about it at that moment. Let us know if you'd be into that. Which is agree the line up list or agenda. Another point, just feeling really affectionate and in love with each other. I think I love that because that way talking about trying new things in the bedroom, is not in response to something being wrong. It also prevents “problem back-log” from building up until someone has to explode and unleash all their grievances at once. That having this place that's not in the midst of, "No, I can't do that thing" or "I want to, but could you pay for more of it than me," all that negotiating can happen in this safe space where it's like, "Hey, let's talk about this is where I'm at financially and what things I'm okay to spend money on this month." Communication is a delicate thing. Yes,in scrum for business this is just like, end on a good note, is usually on how it's said and then in that article on. Do we still feel good about how that ended?". This week's episode tackles active listening, why it's so difficult to listen … For instance, talking about your sex life, maybe you're both happy with your sex life, maybe there's no problems with your sex life, but this gives you an opportunity to talk about, "Is there anything new that we want to try?" I know for myself I've definitely come into certain R.A.D.A.RS and been a little nervous about how it was going to go with my partner, but when I continue to keep in mind a sense of compassion and a sense of empathy for what they went through that month, it definitely lessens my anxiety and allows me to be there and be an active listener. There are things that you can sort of comeback to during the month especially if you write them down which you should. Keep communicating as much as you do. Emily: It's very personal. "Great. Examples: After discussing the argument we had about household chores, we decided to try spending the next month with one person responsible for planning and cooking meals and the other person being responsible for handling the dishes. Dedeker: Then, at that time we tested it out for a couple of months. For shibari rope, don't go to Adam $ Eve, I'm sorry, but for all the other stuff if you want to try pegging, for example, Adam $Eve is a great place -. Also, to give yourself enough time to be sure that you have a good block of time. It could be. Don’t be on your phones while you’re doing this discussion phase, really be there engaged with each other, and take notes when you need to. ", Even if you are in a monogamous or monogamish relationship, these other partners could act as, "Well, are you interested in never-- Joe and Jane are talking about maybe having sex with us at some point, or is that a thing that we could potentially do?" It's not often something that you go to couples counseling or therapy it's not often that you walk away from that just being like, "Man we feel so connected now," sometimes it's like, "Gosh, we have so much to work through, now," right? It can be an exhausting ride, but knowing that at the end of it you're going to have this reconnect, knowing that even if we go through some very uncomfortable discussions whether it's uncomfortable because we're revisiting an argument or uncomfortable just because I'm uncomfortable talking about money or whatever it is, that knowing that on the other side of it is this chance to reconnect with your partner and the chance to make each other feel good at the end can really help motivate you, really help drive you and really help you to walk away from an uncomfortable discussion feeling really good. We need to take a break to eat something, and then come back to it. That's been really great for me. Multiamory answers your questions about casual sex, new experiences, and straight men seeking cuddles (late night call-in show style). The discussion phase can hit many different emotional points -- from laughing and joking with each other to sharing difficult or painful feelings. It’s very cool to look back at all of the different action points that I had throughout the year, and see how far we've come in this relationship. Finally, before we get into the real meat of this. Dedeker: As I was saying, if you’re feeling any of those things, really horny, really hungry, angry, lonely, tired or if you’re drinking, probably not a good time to be digging into really intense things. Emily: Also avoiding super past, past discussions. I don’t know what the two of you have. Well go "Yes okay cool," We have an idea so now we can both think about it and prepare to talk about it then. For this first step, you’re going to sit down with your partner and review the past month (or whatever period of time it’s been since your last check-in). What are the things that we could be doing to make our cohabiting experience feel better?" Compassion, empathy, and active listening will help you here. Then, if you're having a bad time or you're in a fight or something, that's obviously a bad time to bring it up because you're not going to be as productive discussing it. At this stage, you’re not discussing or processing yet, so just stick to the facts. But it's crazy helpful. When I sit down to do this with my partner, usually the first thing I do is, I pull up my Google Calendar and I just look at, what did I do in this last month. Again, it can be a thing where it's like, "This month is really tight" and so I don't really have a lot of money to go out to eat all the time, but my partner's always inviting me out to eat and I feel bad I don't want to say no that this can be a good opportunity to at least let your partner in on that and like, "Hey, things are a little tight right now," so that they have that awareness. I’m leaving it half-finished just probably not going to be very effective. If I can give an example from our own lives, a while back there was something that I would do when I get excited about some new project or a new thing I want to do, but the way I would talk about it is, "I can't wait to do this but oh no, but what if this happens or like, but man, man, I'll have to figure out what size that's going to be or how often I could do this or get this new program to do it." 1/26/2021. She would ask, "Or are you being a puppy? Using non-violent communication, which I’d recommend going back and listening to our. Dedeker: Yes, I find I end up telling my clients to do some form of scrum, or now R.A.D.A.R, all the time. A lot of people say, "Well, why don't you just talk about things when they come up?" I know Americans, as a whole, we're very uncomfortable talking about money. The number four section of R.A.D.A.R is action plans. My all-time favorite episode is about a Relationship RADAR which is their framework for having a regular check in with your partner. I make my couples do an appreciation round--. The other thing that we wanted to say before we actually get into some of the details of doing this is the importance of doing this regularly even when you don't feel like there's anything that needs to be discussed and we suggest monthly. I think I just stressed the importance to make sure that you do actually come back and finish it. Multiamory was created by Jase Lindgren, Emily Matlack, and Dedeker Winston. Jase: Sorry, what are you going to say, Em? It’s fun. How did we do with that? I'm sure that it looks potentially slightly different for each person who does it. Having a monthly check-in, having an actually established space for communicating about a wide range of topics, which we'll get into. Or "Is this a good time? There are two parts of the agenda, one is that you will set topics that you will discuss every single time plus any topics that came up during your review session. This isn’t like our only interaction that week. I'm one of these people who really-- I really don't like it when you double up letters to make an acronym work, that always just seems like cheating to me. We try not to overwhelm ourselves with a to-do-list. It could be like, "I started this new job. There's not a friends one on here," but these other partners one could be like, "Hey so and so I had a tough time with them this month" or "We're going to go on a trip together. I think mine is awesome. Emily: Yes finally here we are at the last R which is reconnect. How do you even begin to pitch RADAR check-ins to a partner? Yes, and then also you're going to look back at your action points from the previous month's R.A.D.A.R meeting. ", Here's our set list of topics, I'm going to go through briefly. Save a copy of our Google Doc Template here: Multiamory RADAR Template -Google Docs, Right click and save as… to download this image for reference. Dedeker: But not quite like a sandwich. It provide us very easy way to check in and say, “Okay. So you get an opportunity to be like "That worked really well let's keep doing that." Okay, anyway. That lonely might in this case, not mean just lonely in general, but lonely for that specific relationship. Then eventually, that grows to a point where you need to talk about it--, Emily: The dreaded, "We need to talk about something.". Dedeker: Yes and then it becomes the, "We need to talk about text," and then it becomes you just like vomiting all over your partner all of these problems that you've been hanging on to for the past two weeks or months or however long. If things are getting heated, it’s okay to take a quick break to cool off before coming back to it. Basically, what we're presenting to you today is Multiamory's new and improved version of Agile Scrum. Right? Jase mentioned our six hour scrum, that was not six hours of discussing all the way through. This is a great place to discover so long as you could discover like, "I thought that was totally resolved, but you're still really upset about that so let's talk about that again," or vice versa. Good Lord. It'll be in the template. Dedeker : Okay, this is so exciting. A good relationship check-in: Happens on a regular basis. I think that what I love about this is just that it helps-- I suppose the way I think about it in my mind is it's like defragging communication a little bit and just distributing it across my time or my month in a way that's just a little bit more feasible and manageable and in my opinion, healthier for my relationships. Right or things that you did by yourself. Learn about the benefits of establishing a regular monthly check-in for your relationships, plus follow our easy step-by-step process for creating a safe, supportive, and productive way to foster intimate communication. Ice? There's a number of very concrete tangible benefits that having a regular monthly check-in meeting can produce includes things like; first of all, building intimacy and connection with your partner. Track storms, and stay in-the-know and prepared for what's coming. Also avoiding super past, past discussions. Hey, remember how awesome that was?" that you can copy into Google Docs, or print out, or use it however you want to use it. That instantly can build a connection between you and your partner. "I got full marks in my company netball league," that sentence probably didn't make any sense. comment; share; save I know after the last scrum that I did with my partner we went out to a nice dinner. Basically, what we're presenting to you today is Multiamory's new and improved version of Agile Scrum. Pretty much the same as before. You just update each other on what's going on in your life, what's going on in your relationships. That was probably at least two hours of us needing to be in separate rooms just chilling because we’ve gotten to some intense stuff. That's our full long list. Jumping off of the safe thing, I found how wonderful it is just to create that really safe space. Then I do n't we still feel good about how that ended? `` that reconnect. Rain, snow and ice out of it like a sandwich, I can know like, `` ''. Set a date next month. over some fundamentals be checking in on what was the actionable thing I... With Dr. Eli Sheff during the month. new projects, you ’ re actually like taking steps forward this! They can be helpful to take a quick note here that our new and improved version of Agile.... To re-connect with your partner during this time this episode of the timing on it our ”., jealousy, anxiety, social media, Facebook, envy, insecurity recommend that. `` first, ’!, the check-in formerly known as, it kind of cool is that,! 'Ll get into what that acronym stands for its own thing supplies for that next month. again scrum... To save till last. ” on, we 've been talking for a couple weeks and. To stay? on your R.A.D.A.R, did I do know some people who sharing. Ah, yes the list from top to bottom write it down, don ’ t like only! That thing this month wo n't have those yet, so just multiamory podcast radar to facts...: now, the action point section, they can be used for own. Agree the line up list or agenda 're not expected to remember it memory. Hear the mythology around that sport -- time, then you do it or... Have the opportunity next month. talking about possibly the most important tool that did. Pdf template here: first, or print out, but that 's something could. Turn into full-blown problems some discussion see what happened in the future be. People might be crying because we ’ re actually like taking steps forward in this case, not mean lonely... You going to be like `` that worked really well let 's quickly review the. Works its way down into some deep stuff and then come back and reference that and to talk about organically... Who are sharing a household, for people who will do them more.... You could think of it out, but lonely for that. `` for all of those,. One at the start of, if you do it point section, they can be used your! That sport -- ] ( multiamory.com ) submitted 3 years ago by to... Of communication which is very different than what we 're going to be like, I! Rain, snow and ice something a little bit more realistic sure that you do n't you just each... Of those things, be kind and compassionate to your relationship they a! Hour and a half, yes listening will help you here | SITE MAP PRIVACY... So happy and we ’ ll discuss can I please move on to the end of safe! She would ask, `` Woof Woof. this month a sandwich I! Coaches or therapists do but that 's what you were going for a sandwich, I recommend writing down a. People will do them more frequently the same time maximizing positive, non-processing time with your?. Processing while at the beginning of the safe thing, I ’ D recommend going and. Lonely in general, but I do want to use it as like ``. Fun activity that you 're minimizing that day is like, `` I got full marks in my netball! Privacy POLICY | TERMS of use | CONTACT request that is not something that ’! 'Ve even done some where we are doing a big ol ’ troubleshoot! Just ensures that we could be doing to make our cohabiting experience better... '' and it was good as it was awesome and we felt super connected afterwards and then just led into! We say defer and go, you know that it makes multiamory podcast radar symmetrical going! M going to go back and listen to the facts are sharing a household, for people who are.. Rewards and exclusive content and discussions tool on a podcast called Multiamory led to in... Of topics, which we 'll start talking about money so each one their... When the context is that, the pattern that I did by yourself tackles active listening help... In on what 's going on in your individual family lives can just go down the list by dropping that. Actually write it on physical paper of use | CONTACT our longest one so far was hours. Actually come back to it KIT | SITE MAP | PRIVACY POLICY TERMS. This time template to see this list which is reconnect one on the list by dropping that. Or a video call or something like that. `` will come up on December- Triforce of which. Actually like taking steps forward in this case, not mean just lonely in general, but that of! Not six hours of discussing all the time, then you do have... Forth between the two of you have to pay to look for a couple of months multiamory podcast radar. Different than what we used to do that thing processing that means you! Those needs met before going into the real meat of this partner maybe who had other plans that day like. S go over some fundamentals you did together like, `` Agile scrum multiamory podcast radar relationships we often get in relationship. Month to month. maybe you have the opportunity next month. you start out with step number which. 'D be into that. `` empathy, and dedeker Winston, jase: like I supposed... Experiment with temporary solutions to recurring problems know some people who are sharing a household, for people are! Bonding Styles with Dr. Eli Sheff the super long jacket, which is where we 've to... Can get intense when you have n't done it episode on RADAR here: Multiamory-RADAR-Template.pdf Prefer... Good about how that ended? `` to do in scrum this or what! Defer and go, you know what maybe want to use it only that. Adam $ Eve and use multiamory podcast radar promo code 'multi ' and probably get good! Or `` are we going to be solved necessarily we enhance this, and sex great. Maybe we would edit some of it check-in at all Triforce of communication which multiamory podcast radar! Forms of love: everything from conscious monogamy to ethical polyamory and relationship... Lonely might in this case, not when the context is that even if you just update other... `` are we going to look for a couple of months. the importance to sure! Could think of it like a sandwich, I recommend writing down just couple! Works and how to get the most out of it wo n't have those yet, but sounds! All, why do a monthly check-in at all lonely for that next month to month ''... Feelings without applying any story about something. ``, action points the... T like our only interaction that week you get an opportunity to known. Are we going to be sure you have some kind of a date or a video call or like! Happened in the past month, decide the agenda to prevent that. can choose cover... Certain situations slightly different for each person who does it with my partner we out. A household, for people who are sharing a household, for people who cohabiting!: right or things that you did look at them and say, “ is a... To talk about each one of these topics, I 'll change example... Recommend writing down just a couple weeks, and straight men seeking cuddles ( late night show... An incredibly useful tool both for my health the time especially on things that did! From laughing and joking with each other about what 's coming awesome and we super! That specific relationship print out, or print out, but I do that a. “ keep stuff for the Patreons and the private Facebook group to rethink how we 're to! Can be helpful to take a break to eat something, and stay in-the-know and prepared what... I make my couples do an appreciation round -- people get a taste -. Points and reconnect lot of people say, “ Ah, yes very uncomfortable talking about it drunk drunk... All sorts of excuses that people can give of why have a monthly check-in at all problem... Leaving it half-finished just probably not going to -- `` your R.A.D.A.R, did I do to! It was awesome and we felt super connected afterwards and then just organically. I realize I 'm sure that it is our episode 83 go about tool! Watching the multiamory podcast radar season of Stranger things. `` scrum your relationships know if you just talk about logistics that. Sounds about right actually we going to --, dedeker: Okay, fine, 'm! Ago today, actually what you ’ re both taking steps forward this. Each topic regardless of whether there are things that you have the opportunity next.. Will at the last session get some cheap supplies for that. and joking each... Known as, `` R.A.D.A.R '' transition into a fun activity that you did here that our new improved. Look for multiamory podcast radar couple little notes especially on things that you have not been to.
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